President George W. Bush (WDCpix)
Bush to Kick Off Tyrant Tour
President Plans to Shake Hands With Leaders of Myanmar, N. Korea, Iran
By Bruce McCall
07/07/2008
| 5 Comments
"I'll bring wine for the Myanmar junta, roses for Kim Jong Il -- maybe a nice necktie for that little Iran guy, who doesn't seem to own one."
So spoke President George W. Bush in disclosing his plans for a flurry of casual drop-ins on Asian and Mideast strongmen. He described this as the appropriate follow-up to his current effort to remove North Korea from the list of state-sponsors of terrorism. Bush is planning these house calls right after he gives Chinese leaders a friendly pat on the back at the opening ceremonies for the Beijing Olympics in August.
"How are the kids doin'? Little lady finally lose those pounds? What kind of mileage you getting with that armored Hummer? That kind of light chitchat, just keep things nice and loose," Bush explained. "Those Iraqaranians and Mylars, they're sensitive folks -- just like us. So if I'm in the neighborhood and don't stop by for a visit, I can understand how their feelings would be hurt."
Bush denied that chummy drop-ins on sworn enemies signaled any change in U.S. foreign policy. "Threatening nuclear war, invasion and government overthrows is just business," he said. "None of that means underneath we're not caring people -- who wouldn't stop to help fix a flat on an armored car or send a get-well card to a tyrant recovering from a car bomb."
The U.S. president said he would refrain from publicly raising controversial issues like Tibetan independence and human-rights violations with his Chinese hosts while in Beijing. "That would be rude," Bush said. "But if they offer a snack, I might have to say something about all that M.S.G. in their food. Some issues are just too important to be ignored."
Bruce McCall, a humorist, is a regular contributor to The New Yorker and Vanity Fair. He is the author of "All Meat Looks Like South America: The World of Bruce McCall" and "Zany Afternoons."
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© 2007 The Washington Independent
Comments:
Posted 07/07/2008 05:41pm with
OK, it’s a funny piece … but it’s top of the Washington Independent’s front page right now, with no particular disclaimer that it’s a humor story, or even just that it’s an opinion piece. Yes, below the title there are the words “The Jaundiced Eye”, but that’s hardly the clearest possible disclaimer. This may simply be me not being the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I had to click the top story and read abit before realizing it was intended as humor …
Posted 07/07/2008 10:47pm with
warrenterra- whoa big fella- gotta get you back in that drawer pronto afore y’all hurt yerself. Hafta warn you that the literati- swat them newyorkers call them folks that get their writin’ posted at places like parisreview & newyorkreviewofbooks & thenewyorker an such- all them folks kinna already sorta know this here brucemCcall fella- tho mostly fer his back-to-the-futuristic pitcher drawrings in thenewyorker- fulla stuff like sa-tire & ire-rony so best I warn y’all up front it might catch some folks right by the short & curlies of their straight republican ticket self-image hubris fundaments- not meanin’ you necessarily warrenterra cuz its real hard to diagnose zombie dna over the innertubes- tho that fella billfrisk I heard tell he could do it not half bad- anywho theys a whole cozy world of safety over there in instapunitworld if y’all find this a bit too taxin shall we say
brucemCcall- see i done said ya need them pitcher drawrings as fair warnin to the younguns
Posted 07/08/2008 01:28pm with
The real humor comes from the fact that this president walks the fine line between absurdity and normalcy in his day-to-day conduct, that an article like this could be believable in the first place. Especially by people who are unfamiliar with Mr. McCall, like myself.
Posted 07/08/2008 07:59pm with
Most Myanmar oppositions will say they are hurt and angry by this news, President Bush shaking hands with especially with Myanmar’s military top brass, but I praise (rarely before) Mr. President for this wisdom. Only positive thinking and persuation could change or soften the leaders of my country. I hope Mr. President’s would re-examine his indiscriminate sanction that really hurt the poor of my country. I am okay with personal sanction and other restrictions on the regime and their closed allies. And Mr. President should also learn (this can be done with little effort) if that country he still addresses as Burma is real name of that country. We haven’t dropped using the name Myanmar as official name in domestic affairs even under British occupation of some 123 years ( combined Lower and upper Myanmar). It is fundamentally very wrong if Mr. President could only accept the name change (only for international, domestically don’t need as no Myanmar (past and present) address our country’s name as Burma) if Daw Aung San Suu Kyi call her country as Myanmar. Of course, if she says Myanmar is our historical name, then all Western countries will follow her suit. I have been anti-military dictatorship for 46 years now, but I don’t vehemently oppose everything the regime did.
I praise Mr. President for his engagement plan with all said three countries’ leaders and wish him a success. Trust must be there. The change will follow it. May God Bless Mr. President for his this decision. Thank you.
Posted 07/08/2008 09:07pm with
Warrenterra is right. The lack of a disclaimer is a mistake.
The unfortunate fact is that a parody of this man is not possible.