Sen. John McCain (army.mil)
McCain Mistakes Arizona for Iraq
GOP Presidential Hopeful Says Phoenix Is 99% Pacified
By Bruce McCall
07/28/2008
| 3 Comments
Sen. John McCain, who has locked up the GOP nomination, was chased down in the parking lot of a Phoenix shopping mall today and persuaded to remove his Kevlar helmet and body armor. He had been driving his SUV around this sprawling desert city all afternoon on a fact-finding tour in the belief that he was in Baghdad.
Illustration by: Matt Mahurin
The war-hero-turned-lawmaker told reporters that his inspection tour was nonetheless highly useful. "I found Phoenix has many of the same problems as Baghdad," McCain said, "the terrorist hideouts are so well hidden you couldn't find a single one, for example. And the Al Qaeda operatives in our midst are as invisible here as they are over there. And the gas shortage is so acute that a gallon costs four dollars.
"But, all in all, I was greatly encouraged by the progress. I'd estimate Phoenix to be 99 percent pacified today. The city is so safe I could have shot a few baskets with the troops, if I'd found any. Must have all been shipped home. The car washes are up and running, I saw long lines at the Cineplex, and when I put my finger in a socket there was lots of electricity."
"I'd asked my wife Cindy to join me on the tour this morning," the jubilant senator added. "But she said she had a golf date. Maybe that should have tipped me off."
Bruce McCall, a humorist, is a regular contributor to The New Yorker and Vanity Fair. He is the author of "All Meat Looks Like South America: The World of Bruce McCall" and "Zany Afternoons."
CATEGORIES IN THIS STORY:
© 2007 The Washington Independent
Comments:
Posted 08/12/2008 12:42pm with
Lets see my choice is cranky old John McCain or that energetic young, smart black man Barack Obama?
McCain who does not know how to use a computer but is willing to learn if we elect him – I’ll just vote for that smart black man.
My Choices are: John McCain who says the economic downturn is psychological? – Na! I’ll vote for the smart black man.
McCain who says you are better off under George Bush? – Nope I’ll vote for the smart black man.
Mc Cain who wants to continue killing more people looking for weapons of mass destruction that do not exist? – Gee! I’ll vote for the smart black man.
McCain who believes that we should stay the course but is not willing to support the people he puts in harms way. – I’ll take a chance on the smart black man.
Should I vote for a man that does not know that 9-11 was caused by Osama Bin Laden not Sedam Hussein? – Easy! I’ll vote for the smart black man.
Vote for the man who does not know if the Sunnis or Sheits are our enemies? – No way I’ll vote for the smart black man.
Vote for the man who helped put our government on the China, Saudi Arabia credit card? – Not a chance I’ll vote for the smart black man.
Vote for the man with the worst temper in the Senate to have his finger on the nuclear button? – No way – I’ll vote for the smart black man.
Posted 08/12/2008 12:49pm with
Earmarks is not a dirty word.
I live in Sedona and John McCain is not a neighbor of mine his property is in located in CORNVILLE, 22 miles away.
Why is this Republican not supporting John McCain? With out question it is his lack of support for our state in Washington. McCain’s call to fame is that he is the only representative in Washington never to request any earmarks for his home state. What does that prove? To me it shows that in McCain’s mind Arizona is so wealthy that we do not need any assistance from Washington and he is happy to see all the tax dollars that we send to DC go to other states. Wake up John McCain! we have Indian Reservations in our state with unemployment over 60%. We have beautiful rural areas that would benefit from tourism. His lack of concern shows that when John and Cindy fly over our state in their private plane that they do not pay attention to the people that live outside of Scottsdale. Lets see if in November the citizens in Arizona will send him a message and not vote for him.
This is one Arizona Republican supporting Obama.
Posted 08/14/2008 08:06pm with
Iraq/Arizona…what’s the difference? He’s an idiot. What do you expect.