Notes in the Aftermath

Checking in on the Presidential Hopefuls

Sen. John McCain (DSB NOLA, Flickr)

Former President Bill Clinton, denied his request for supervision of the White House secretarial pool and the Democratic National Committee party-planning portfolio, is reportedly still angling for a post in the Obama administration that in no way conflicts with wife, Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton’s, possible role. The ex-president has, in fact, specified that he be at least two floors away from her at all times, and that she would not have access to his daily schedule or travel plans. Sen Barack Obama, the presumed Democratic presidential nominee, is rumored to be favoring an ambassadorship for the former president. North Korea, Myanmar and Zimbabwe are being floated as possibilities. These Fox News reports that Clinton recently called Michelle Obama asking for a date remain unconfirmed.

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Defeated Democratic presidential rival Sen. Hillary Rodman Clinton is sequestering herself in the green room of a major TV network while she mulls her future. She is alone except for a makeup person, three speechwriters, a pollster, two top political strategists and a fund-raising committee. Allegations that she has taken to making anonymous crank 3 a.m. phone calls to Obama have been strongly refuted by the Clinton camp;. She was only calling, aides say, because she wished to apologize for not offering him a slug of Crown Royal in their recent private meeting and was so exhausted that she failed to notice the time.

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Close Clinton adviser Harold Ickes was arrested early Saturday in Washington for pulling the wings off flies. The testy activist had previously been pinched for taking candy from a baby and tripping old ladies.

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Unconfirmed reports out of Italy claim that Sen. Barack Obama’s face has appeared on the Shroud of Turin.

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Sen. John McCain, the presumptive Republican presidential nominee, secretly entered a clinic deep in the Balkans early Sunday for treatment of a rare condition that broke out last Wednesday night during a speech in Kenner, La. McCain’s jaw muscles pulled his mouth into repeated violent spasms lasting several seconds, baring his teeth and scaring small children. Insiders are neither confirming nor denying the rampant speculation that McCain is a vampire.


Bruce McCall, a humorist, is a regular contributor to The New Yorker and Vanity Fair. He is the author of "All Meat Looks Like South America: The World of Bruce McCall" and "Zany Afternoons."

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