Wikipolicy Adviser: An Argument Against The Very Possibility Of Randy Scheunemann's Existence
I'm late in seeing this, but LOLOLOLOL John McCain basically cut and pasted his bellicose posturing on Georgia/Russia/South Ossetia from Wikipedia. Lots of people have had fun with this, but I think it has a deeper significance. Namely: I don't believe senior McCain foreign-policy adviser Randy Scheunemann actually exists. I believe Randy Scheunemann is the human face of a series of Wikipedia searches. An actor portrays the character of "Randy Scheunemann" to keep the truth from coming out. Let's explore how this works:
1. Randy Scheunemann is comically corrupt. Matt Duss at ThinkProgress' Wonk Room has done the real work here. The Alleged Scheunemann is a lobbyist for the Republic of Georgia who made his firm $2 million off the Rose Revolution and in the process firmed up McCain's ossified anti-Russian sensibilities. This just can't be real. John McCain is not a dim bulb. He would not hire someone with such an obvious conflict of interest. Alleged Scheunemann is merely a ploy to keep the Russians guessing.
2. Randy Scheunemann is a friend of Ahmed Chalabi. You know, the once and future midget-king of Baghdad? The Iranian "liaison" who manipulated credulous neocons and presidents into getting the U.S. mired in an un-winnable conflict? Again, John McCain is not a stupid man. He knows better than to keep someone close to Chalabi in his inner circle. Instead, he's just trying not to hurt Chalabi's feelings. Why be a jerk, you know? If there was ever an actual Scheunemann, he was killed by a Russian operative long ago, and McCain is exploiting the opportunity Scheunemann's newly available identity presents. Laurie Mylroie can probably explain it.
3. Randy Scheunemann is a D-List neocon. Like, really? Was Michael Rubin returning videotapes when the McCain campaign called? The staff of Commentary too busy arguing over something they read in The New Criterion on the 4 train? One more time: John McCain is not a fool, and he would not hire a neocon of non-distinction who would only just make the campaign look like a laughing stock. Lots of people were dumb enough to back the war, but most of them can at least get calls returned from opinion-page editors.
In conclusion, "Randy Scheuenemann" does not exist, and Wikipedia presently earns $70,000 a year for imparting poorly-thought-through foreign policy advice for John McCain.
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